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| So I have been mostly angsty, and it really started at the beginning of the year.
Even though I have my GED, I still feel stuck and trapt in the same situation every time. Where the people that want to help me in all reality can't, and the people I need to be on my side are off somewhere else.
It's ultimately frustrating, because I'm changing the people I'm close to faster than I change my mind about popular music (and really, that changes with just about every song I hear).
I see other people who have been close to the same people for years and years at a time, with pictures of their ridiculous adventures and memories worth telling over and over again.
My life in general just seems like a bunch of snippets of things, some things I can't even remember. Friends that fade in and out of focus because they find something more appealing, and I'm laying on the pavement, better left forgotten.
It's just confusing and aggrivating because I know I'm not a terrible person, and the people I was friends with I most certainly took care of. I would offer anything I had to help them, and all they leave me is an empty space in my mind. A shadow that is soon gone after I realize whoever I lost is not coming back. No matter how many people I know or however many ways I feel like I've bettered myself within the past years, it just doesn't seem good enough. I can't keep constant friendships, and I'm at a point thinking whether I should really bother anymore. All these people I can remember smiling with, and every day I could see myself happy just seems like reverie when it comes back to me that they're gone. And like every minute I spent in those moments, every being frozen inside my memories., they're never coming back.
Once again, it's probably just hormones. I'll forever blame these stupid little outburst on such things because they just seem childish..
Even though I'm pretty much imprisoned in my own mind, there is one person I always thought I would lose. One person that would be gone with the tide and never to be seen again. Through years of coming in and out of touch, there's only one person, no matter what he does or how little anyone else cares about him, that I am never giving up on. He has given me hope that maybe the others I have lost might come back some day, no matter how long it may be. He knows exactly who he is, and I guess we're eternally grateful to each other.
Now on a less serious note..
So my all-time favorite band ever in the history of ever is coming to DC in a couple months, and I am nothing but excited. I spent almost my entire paycheck on these tickets, and one lucky person is coming with me. <3
I still have no idea, but the magic answer (for those who don't know) is...
KEANE!
So yes, only one lucky person gets to come with me on this magical adventure.
More than likely, it's probably gonna be Fatitu, because the boy won't be out of school just yet.. | | |
| I missed my.. *counts* 4 year anniversary on here, so ta-dah.
I finally got some sense and ditched Mitchell. Yeah, I know, I never spoke ill of him on here, but I only posted on here with a rant, or when I was in a good mood..
So the last time I was on here, it was July of last year.
My nephew Dominic Scott Charles was born on August 2nd at 1:03am at 9lbs 4ozs if I'm not mistaken..
He's gotten to be a very big boy. Weighing now somewhere over 20lbs, he's a very happy baby. All my imediate family is still living under one roof, and it makes things even more interesting with Jasmine. Her and Dominic have gotten along very well together, and she can be a little protective of him sometimes. =P
Later in August, I left Mitchell for the last time. Short after, I dated a co-worker for about a month. I'm currently dating his best friend, and I couldn't be any happier. =] (And I really mean it this time!)
His name is Alex. He's currently a senior at Archbishop Curley, a very silly Catholic school that can't even get the right church dates in the planners. He's very music-oriented, and drives the "Bruised Banana Mobile".
His family is generally sucky, but we're gonna fix that as soon as he gets a job. We're actually in the process of forming a band with two dudes he knows named Matt and Mike. I'll be singing..
.. And that's the part where you can laugh, 'cause I really don't think I'm that great. I may kill in Rock Band, but that is not reality. If it was, my boyfriend would also be the bitchin'est guitar player I know. =P
Hmm.. I still work at Friendly's. I've been there for a little over a year and a half now. As I like to put it, I'm now head bitch in my position. No one can tell me otherwise.
I took prep classes last fall to get ready for my GED test. I took it the second weekend of January and received my GED in the mail a few weeks ago. According to my test scores, I did very well. I was in the 90s for all the sections except for Social Studies, that one was 76%. It was mostly political junk that we didn't really cover well. I also received a certificate for scoring over 3000 on the test. I believe my score was 3240. With that, I can apply for a nifty scholarship.
And inspeaking of school... I will be starting at HCC next fall. I'm not sure exactly what I'll be studying. I actually might go for Music Performance with a concentration in voice. I still need to talk to an academic advisor to see what would best make sense. I need to stay there to build up a nice transcript and transfer out wherever. After I'm done at HCC, I want to attend the Sheffield Institute for the Recording Arts. There, I can complete a certificate program and become an audio engineer.
And I think that I am done for the time being. Bother me if you'd like anything else from me. =P | | |
| I don't know what you call it, but it's not terribly pleasant.
You know, I (for some reason) keep constantly looking at what used to be. I keep a small eye on what people I used to call great friends are doing, maybe just to feel like I haven't completely lost anyone. It depressing though, just to look at whatever they're doing and wonder where the hell I went. Why no one makes the effort to reach out to me and just wonder what I'm up to. I don't really feel important to anyone except Mitchell. Work can easily replace me, and right now I really don't feel like I have a place to call home. Of course, it's not like I've just started feeling like this. Honestly, it happens a lot. I look at places like here, and Facebook, and just the world around me, and I think to myself, "Am I supposed to be like that too?. "Did I miss out on something that puts me there?" I'm starting to feel more lost than ever, with no one too seemingly concerned about my well-being. I don't mean to sound selfish, but I guess it's one of those stupid teenage "where do I belong" dealies. I'll admit, in some aspects of my life, I don't really know yet. I feel like I get blocked out of things because I'm unable to or I'm just me. I have no problem with being me, but it just comes to a point that I wonder if it's really everyone that just doesn't get that I'm human too. A lot of people I know tend to forget, so they never think of me as someone actually able of crying. It's weird, because I, of course, introspectively look at myself all the time and look at who I know I am. A lot of people just see someone odd, but sensible, I guess.
I think a lot of times though, people forget about how other people feel. I try not to, because I don't want to be a hypocrite. If there's one thing I hate more than absolutely anything, it's being hypocritical. And I honestly can't say if I've looked past people's emotions and just ignored them. I'll admit, I don't realize everything I do wrong, I normally can't fix a interpersonal mistake until it's too late. When I'm in the moment, I don't remember all what I'm doing. Hell, I don't really know why, but I can't help but be honest.
Some people just can't accept when I do that, and in a sense, it kind of bothers me. I personally cannot understand why so many people want to cover up their personal opinions so they don't "do something wrong". The first thing they did wrong was keeping their mouth shut, or saying something behind the opposing's back. What's the point in having an opinion if you don't express it? People don't have to hide in fear anymore, because people can say whatever the hell they want. There's a point of going over the line, but in general reason, no one should be afraid to express their mind, even if no one else will believe in them.
Well, I guess this has turned into a rant. I'm sorry, but it just seems like the only open ear can't even hear me.
Sure, I miss a lot of what I did have, but I know one day I'll get it all back in different forms. I'll always know I'm blessed, but I can't surpass my human emotions. No person can, and I'm just living there right now. | | |
| I just kind of felt like posting, so here.
I don't like my sister being a pregnant woman. I want that thing to pop on out, and we can all get on with our lives.
I need a car, and I'm getting a Blackberry.
I miss Mitchell every day, and it sucks muy muy donkey balls I probably won't see him this summer.
I got dragged into Runescape, and I suprisingly don't hate it.
I only failed two classes this year, which surprised even me.
My thoughts are going westward towards the community college so I can get on with my life.
Maybe my problem is I want to grow up because it's the only way I can be with Mitchell.
I'm making time for him, and he's keeping his word.
Bug me for my current place of employment.
Oh, and by the way....
Gamecube has changed my life.
And so has a rare Canadian fish. | | |
| My visions and dreams don't make sense.
Can someone help me? | | |
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